Things to do while waiting in line for your new iPhone 5:
1. Perpetually gaze at the Mac store door, smiling with the exuberant joy of a child about to receive a magical pony.
2. Contemplate your meaningless existence and/or tweet.
3. Keep telling the person in front of you that this is your first time at an Occupy rally.
4. Judge the smelly guy begging for change. Remind yourself that if you give him money, he’ll just waste it on something that won’t really help his life get any better.
5. Inwardly ridicule the crazy fanatics camping at the front of the line and the loser slackers standing at the end of the line.
6. Suppress the realization that Apple is currently developing the iPhone 6 to crush your fleeting dreams of relevance.
7. Work on reasons for purchasing your iPhone 5 that distance you from everyone else in line. For example, having a larger screen and faster download time will most likely help you save one more orphan’s life. So yeah, you pretty much need to be in this line.
8. Avoid making eye contact with anyone not in line.
9. Be thankful as you realize assimilation into The Borg is actually rather fun!
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